Oh, believe me, I speak not hastily or lightly.

I have been torn this way and that in these past days, until at moments the burden has been heavier than I could bear.

Once, for a little while, I thought I could do all and more than you expect of me--the moment, indeed, in which I took the first step, and delivered him the letter.

But it was a moment of wild heat.

I cooled, and reflection followed, and since then, because so much was done, I have not known an instant's peace of mind; I have endeavored to forget the position in which I am placed; but I have failed.