'I tell you what we did.

We breakfasted with Jack Herring at twelve, and kept up with brandy and soda-water and weeds till four; then we toddled into the Park for an hour; then we dined and drank mulled port till half-price; then we looked in for an hour at the Haymarket; then we came back to the Club, and had grills and whisky punch till all was blue--Hullo, waiter! Get me a glass of cherry-brandy.' Club waiters, the civilest, the kindest, the patientest of men, die under the infliction of these cruel young topers.
But if the reader wishes to see a perfect picture on the stage of this class of young fellows, I would recommend him to witness the ingenious comedy of LONDON ASSURANCE--the amiable heroes of which are represented, not only as drunkards and five-o'clock-in-the-morning men, but as showing a hundred other delightful traits of swindling, lying, and general debauchery, quite edifying to witness.
How different is the conduct of these outrageous youths to the decent behaviour of my friend, Mr.Papworthy; who says to Poppins, the butler at the Club:-- PAPWORTHY.--'Poppins, I'm thinking of dining early; is there any cold game in the house ?' POPPINS.--'There's a game pie, sir; there's cold grouse, sir; there's cold pheasant, sir; there's cold peacock, sir; cold swan, sir; cold ostrich, sir,' &c.

&c.

(as the case may be).
PAPWORTHY.--'Hem! What's your best claret now, Poppins ?--in pints, I mean.' POPPINS.--'There's Cooper and Magnum's Lafitte, sir: there's Lath and Sawdust's St.Julien, sir; Bung's Leoville is considered remarkably fine; and I think you'd like Jugger's Chateau-Margaux.' PAPWORTHY.--'Hum!--hah!--well--give me a crust of bread and a glass of beer.

I'll only LUNCH, Poppins.
Captain Shindy is another sort of Club bore.