You might as well try to raise watermelons in the Desert of Sahara as to try to raise hair under the modern hat.

In fact, the modern hat is a furnace." "Well, it's a mighty good furnace," observed Munchausen.

"You don't have to put coal on the modern hat." "Perhaps," interposed Thackeray, "the ancients wore their hats on their tails." "Well, I have a totally different theory," said Johnson.
"You always did have," observed Munchausen.
"Very likely," said Johnson.

"To be commonplace never was my ambition." "What is your theory ?" queried Livingstone.
"Well--I don't know," said Johnson, "if it be worth expressing." "It may be worth sending by freight," interrupted Thackeray.

"Let us have it." "Well, I believe," said Johnson--"I believe that Adam was a monkey." "He behaved like one," ejaculated Thackeray.
"I believe that the forbidden tree was a tender one, and therefore the only one upon which Adam was forbidden to swing by his tail," said Johnson.
"Clear enough--so far," said Munchausen.
"But that the possession of tails by Adam and Eve entailed a love of swinging thereby, and that they could not resist the temptation to swing from every limb in Eden, and that therefore, while Adam was off swinging on other trees, Eve took a swing on the forbidden tree; that Adam, returning, caught her in the act, and immediately gave way himself and swung," said Johnson.
"Then you eliminate the serpent ?" queried Darwin.
"Not a bit of it," Johnson answered.