Why, I even hear that there's a troupe out in the western part of the United States that puts the thing on with three Hamlets, two ghosts, and a pair of blood-hounds.

It's called the Uncle-Tom-Hamlet Combination, and instead of my falling in love with one crazy Ophelia, I am made to woo three dusky maniacs named Topsy on a canvas ice-floe, while the blood-hounds bark behind the scenes.

What sort of treatment is that for a man of royal lineage ?" "It's pretty rough," said Napoleon.

"As the poet ought to have said, 'Oh, Hamlet, Hamlet, what crimes are committed in thy name!'" "I feel as badly about the play as Hamlet does," said Shakespeare, after a moment of silent thought.

"I don't bother much about this wild Western business, though, because I think the introduction of the bloodhounds and the Topsies makes us both more popular in that region than we should be otherwise.