Fortunately--or I might not be sitting here, Mrs.Wilkins, talking to you now--my one respectable acquaintance was called away to foreign lands, and that umbrella I promptly put 'up the spout.' You understand me ?" Mrs.Wilkins admitted she did, but was of opinion that twenty-five per cent., to say nothing of the halfpenny for the ticket every time, was a wicked imposition.
"It did not trouble me, Mrs.Wilkins," I replied, "in this particular instance.

It was my determination never to see that umbrella again.

The young man behind the counter seemed suspicious, and asked where I got it from.

I told him that a friend had given it to me." "'Did he know that he had given it to you ?" demanded the young man.
"Upon which I gave him a piece of my mind concerning the character of those who think evil of others, and he gave me five and six, and said he should know me again; and I purchased an umbrella suited to my rank and station, and as fine a haddock as I have ever tasted with the balance, which was sevenpence, for I was feeling hungry.
"The haddock is an excellent fish, Mrs.Wilkins," I said, "and if, as you observe, we listened to all that was said we'd be hungrier at forty, with a balance to our credit at the bank, than ever we were at twenty, with 'no effects' beyond a sound digestion." A Martyr to Health.
"There was a gent in Middle Temple Lane," said Mrs.Wilkins, "as I used to do for.

It's my belief as 'e killed 'imself worrying twenty-four hours a day over what 'e called 'is 'ygiene.