I almost made up my mind to ask Mr Hashford or Mr Ladislaw what had become of Smith, but I could not screw my courage up to the pitch.
As I was undressing, Hawkesbury came near me and whispered, "Where is Smith ?" I vouchsafed no reply.

I had been used to give Hawkesbury credit for good intentions, but I had had my confidence shaken by that day's events.
"Don't be cross with me, Batchelor," said he; "I really don't deserve it." "Why did you desert and leave us all in the lurch ?" growled I.
"I did not mean to do it," said he, very meekly; "but really, when I woke this morning I felt I was doing wrong, Batchelor, and could not bear to stay in and stand by while Mr Ladislaw and Miss Henniker were kept shut up.

That's really the reason, and I thought it would be kinder of me to keep out of the way and not spoil your fun.

Smith quite misunderstood me, he did really." "Why didn't you say you wouldn't join before we began ?" I asked.
"Why, because you know, Batchelor, I was in a bad frame of mind then, and was angry.

But I tried hard to forgive, and I blame myself very much that I even seemed to agree.