I had no ballast, nothing to steady me in the tempest.

My hope had been all in the present, and it perished with her.

I cared for nothing, my little children were a misery to me, the old home was unendurable.

I got leave of absence from my employers, and came up here--desperate.

I dashed into every sort of dissipation and extravagance; I tried one excitement after another, if only I could drown every memory I had.