I had spent all, or very nearly all, my money on it.

I said to myself, Who could have done more?
And I determined not to be so silly and to think no more about it--but it was no good.

Every time my grandmother looked at me, every time she spoke to me--worst of all when the time came for me to go and she kissed me, somehow so much more tenderly than usual, and murmured some words I could not catch, but which sounded like a little prayer, as she stroked my head in farewell--it was dreadfully hard not to burst into tears and tell her all, and beg her to forgive me.

But I went away without doing so.
"Half way home a strange thought came suddenly into my mind.

It seemed to express the unhappiness I was feeling.