If a child makes you so that you really want to spank it soundly, then soundly spank the brat.

But know all the time _what_ you are doing, and always be responsible for your anger.

Never be ashamed of it, and never surpass it.

The flashing interchange of anger between parent and child is part of the responsible relationship, necessary to growth.

Again, if a child offends you deeply, so that you really can't communicate with it any more, then, while the hurt is deep, switch off your connection from the child, cut off your correspondence, your vital communion, and be alone.