Applying the lines of an inimitable satire, (The Age of Frivolity) to the figure before him, he concluded: "That gaudy dress and decorations gay, The tinsel-trappings of a vain array.
The spruce trimm'd jacket, and the waving plume, The powder'd head emitting soft perfume; These may make fops, but never can impart The soldier's hardy frame, or daring heart; May in Hyde-Park present a splendid train, But are not weapons for a dread campaign; May please the fair, who like a tawdry beau, But are not fit to check an active foe; Such heroes may acquire sufficient skill To march erect, and labour through a drill; In some sham-fight may manfully hold out, But must not hope an enemy to rout." Although he talked a great deal, the whole amount of his discourse was to inform her Ladyship that (_Stilletto_) meaning his horse, (who in truth appeared to possess more fire and spirit than his rider could either boast of or command,) had cost him only 700 guineas, and was _prime blood_; that the horse his groom rode, was _nothing but a _good one_, and had run at the _Craven--that he had been prodigiously fortunate that season on the turf--that he was a bold rider, and could not bear himself without a fine high spirited animal--and, that being engaged to dine at ~19~~three places that day, he was desperately at a loss to know how he should act; but that if her Ladyship dined at any one of the three, he would certainly join that party, and _cut_ the other two.
At this moment, a mad-brained ruffian of quality, with a splendid equipage, came driving by with four in hand, and exclaimed as he flew past, in an affected tone,--"All! Tom, my dear fellow,--why where the devil have you hid yourself of late ?" The speed of his cattle prevented the possibility of reply.

"Although you see him in such excellent trim," observed Tom to Lady Jane, "though his cattle and equipage are so well appointed, would you suppose, it, he has but just made his appearance from the Bench after _white-washing ?_ But he is a noble spirited fellow," remarked the exquisite, "drives the best horses, and is one of the first whips in town; always gallant and gay, full of life and good humour; and, I am happy to say, he has now a dozen of as fine horses as any in Christendom, _bien entendu_, kept in my name." After this explanation of the characters of his friend and his horses, he kissed his hand to her Ladyship, and was out of sight in an instant, "Adieu, adieu, thou dear, delightful sprig of fashion!" said Lady Jane, as he left the side of the carriage.--"Fashion and folly," said Tom, half whispering, and recalling to his mind the following lines:-- "Oh! Fashion, to thy wiles, thy votaries owe Unnumber'd pangs of sharp domestic woe.
What broken tradesmen and abandon'd wives Curse thy delusion through their wretched lives; What pale-faced spinsters vent on thee their rage, And youths decrepid e're they come of age." His moralizing reverie was however interrupted by her Ladyship, who perceiving a group of females decked in the extreme of Parisian fashions, "there," said she, "there is all that taffeta, feathers, flowers, and lace can do; and yet you see by their loud talking, their being unattended by a servant, and by the bit of straw adhering to the pettycoat of one of them, that they come all the way from Fish Street Hill, or the Borough, in a hackney-coach, and are now trying to play off the airs of women of fashion." Mrs.Marvellous now drew up close to the party.

"My dear Lady Jane," said she, "1 am positively suffocated with dust, and sickened with vulgarity; but to be sure we ~20~~have every thing in London here, from the House of Peers to Waterloo House.

I must tell you about the trial, and Lady Barbara's mortification, and about poor Mr.R.'s being arrested, and the midnight flight to the Continent of our poor friend W----." With this brief, but at the same time comprehensive introduction, she lacerated the reputation of almost all her acquaintance, and excited great attention from the party, which had been joined by several during her truly interesting intelligence.

Every other topic in a moment gave way to this delightful amusement, and each with volubility contributed his or her share to the general stock of slander.
Scandal is at all times the _sauce piquante_ that _currys_ incident in every situation; and where is the fashionable circle that can sit down to table without made dishes ?--Character is the good old-fashioned roast beef of the table, which no one touches but to mangle and destroy.
"Lord! who'd have thought our cousin D Could think of marrying Mrs.E.
True I don't like such things to tell; But, faith, I pity Mrs.L, And was I her, the bride to vex, I would engage with Mrs.X.
But they do say that Charlotte U, With Fanny M, and we know who, Occasioned all, for you must know They set their caps at Mr.O.
And as he courted Mrs.E, They thought, if she'd have cousin D, That things might be by Colonel A Just brought about in their own way." Our heroes now took leave, and proceeded through the Park.