This was because I never would examine them, in after life.
I couldn't.

The subject revolted me.

Perhaps because it brought back to me a passage in my life which for pride's sake I wished to forget; though I thought--or persuaded myself I thought--I should never come across a "proof" which wasn't thin and cheap, and probably had a fraud like me behind it.
The truth is, I did not have to wait long to get tired of my triumphs.
Not thirty days, I think.

The glory which is built upon a lie soon becomes a most unpleasant incumbrance.

No doubt for a while I enjoyed having my exploits told and retold and told again in my presence and wondered over and exclaimed about, but I quite distinctly remember that there presently came a time when the subject was wearisome and odious to me and I could not endure the disgusting discomfort of it.