I've been so stupid--I've made so many mistakes." She dropped her voice: "I've always been afraid, Ivan Andreievitch, that is the truth.

You remember that morning before S---- ?" "Yes," I said.

"I remember it." "Well, it has been often, often like that.

I've been afraid of myself and--of something else--of dying.

I found that I didn't want to die, that the thought of death was too horrible to me.