P'r'aps you wouldn't believe it now, but there was a taime when Ay swore like a trooper; and it grew upon me so much that Ay d--d everything!--even the milk for breakfast--and Ay'm dashed if Ay could stop it, Valmai.

May poor mother was alive then, and she sez to me one day with tears in her eyes, 'Tray, may boy, to leave off swearing; it is killing me,' she sez, with her sweet, gentle voice.

So Ay sez to mayself, 'John,' Ay sez, 'you are a d--d fool.

You're killing your mother with your foolish swears.

Pull up short,' sez Ay, 'and tray and faind some other word that'll do.' So Ay fixed upon 'tarnished,' and Ay'm dashed if may mother wasn't perfectly satisfayed.