I am not in any internal sense _en rapport_ with them.
"I suppose the reason why I do not, in my present state, feel disposed to connect myself with any being, and would rather avoid a person whom I was conscious I might or could love, is that I feel my life to be in a rapid progress, and that no step now would be a permanent one.

I am afraid the choice I would have made some time since (_if there had not been something deeply secret in my being which prevented me_) would now be very unsatisfactory.

I feel conscious there could not have been an equal and mutual advance, because the natures of some are not capable of much growth.

And I mistrust whether there would not have been an inequality, hence disharmony and unhappiness.
"To be required to accept your past is most unpleasant.

Perhaps the society with which I was surrounded did not afford a being that unified with mine own.