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"Friday, June 29 .-- Am I led by something higher to the life to which I am tending?
Sometimes I think it is most proper for me to return home, accept things as they are, and live a life like others--as good, and as much better as possible.

If I can find one with whom I think I can live happily, to accept such a one, and give up that which now leads me.
"My friends would say this is the prudent and rational course--but it appears this is not mine.

That I am here is one evidence that it is not mine.

A second is that I struggled against what led me here as much as lay in my power, until I became weak, sick, and confined to my bed.