No one knows how I tried to exert myself to work, or the cause of my inability.

I was conscious of the cause, but as it was supposed to be a physical one, the reason of it was sought for, but to no purpose.

In the same circumstances now I should be worse.

When I say my mind cannot be occupied as formerly, do not attribute it to my wishes.

This is what I fear; it makes me almost despair, makes me feel that I would rather die than live under such thoughts.