I had hopes that my former life would return, so that I would be able to go on as usual, although this tendency has always been growing in me.

But I find more and more that it is not possible.

I would go back if I could, but the impossibility of that I cannot express.

To continue as I am now would keep me constantly in an unsettled state of health, especially as my future appears to be opening before me with clearness.

I say sincerely that I have lost all but this one thing, and how shall I speak it?
My mind has lost all disposition to business; my hopes, life, existence, are all in another direction.