I feel unable to the task of judging alone correctly.

I have given an account of my state of mind in my former letter, but will add that what is there said describes a permanent state, not a momentary excitement.

You may think that in a little time this would pass away, and I would be able to resume my former life; or, at least, you could so adapt things at home that although I should not precisely occupy myself as then, still it might be so arranged as to give me that which I feel necessary in order to live somewhat contented.
"I am sorry to say I can in no way conceive such an arrangement of things at home.

Why?
I hate to say it, yet we might as well come to an understanding.

I have grown out of the life which can be received through the accustomed channels of the circle that was around me.