If my disposition ran that way, marrying might lead me back to my old life, but oh! that is impossible.

To give up, as I have to do, a life which has often been my highest aim and hope, is done with a sense of responsibility I never imagined before.

This, I am conscious, is no light thought.

It lies deeper than myself, and I have not the power to control it.

I do not write this with ease; it is done in tears, and I have opened my mind as I have not done before.