And he says that he has been told that he is scrupulous, and complains that at confession he can only accuse himself in general terms.
Complete abandonment to the divine will seems to have been the outcome of a season of much distress of soul, and bodily mortification.

On April 2 he writes: "The last time I saw my director he spoke to me concerning the sacred ministry, and this is a subject I feel an unspeakable difficulty about.

I told him that I desired to place myself wholly in his hands and should do whatever he directed.
I do not wish to be any more than nothing.

I give myself up.

So far the Lord seems to be with me, and I hope that He will not forsake me in the future." As might have been anticipated, Bishop McCloskey's advice was wise.
Plainly, his own hope was that young Hecker should enter the secular priesthood, but there is no evidence in the numerous references to the matter in the diary, that this caused him to do more than make his young friend fully acquainted with that state of life.