[Lilith by George MacDonald]@TWC D-Link bookLilith CHAPTER III 9/10
At the top of the great stair I had come to myself a little, and in a few moments I sat recovering my breath in the library. Nothing should ever again make me go up that last terrible stair! The garret at the top of it pervaded the whole house! It sat upon it, threatening to crush me out of it! The brooding brain of the building, it was full of mysterious dwellers, one or other of whom might any moment appear in the library where I sat! I was nowhere safe! I would let, I would sell the dreadful place, in which an aerial portal stood ever open to creatures whose life was other than human! I would purchase a crag in Switzerland, and thereon build a wooden nest of one story with never a garret above it, guarded by some grand old peak that would send down nothing worse than a few tons of whelming rock! I knew all the time that my thinking was foolish, and was even aware of a certain undertone of contemptuous humour in it; but suddenly it was checked, and I seemed again to hear the croak of the raven. "If I know nothing of my own garret," I thought, "what is there to secure me against my own brain? Can I tell what it is even now generating ?--what thought it may present me the next moment, the next month, or a year away? What is at the heart of my brain? What is behind my THINK? Am I there at all ?--Who, what am I ?" I could no more answer the question now than when the raven put it to me in--at--"Where in ?--where at ?" I said, and gave myself up as knowing anything of myself or the universe. I started to my feet, hurried across the room to the masked door, where the mutilated volume, sticking out from the flat of soulless, bodiless, non-existent books, appeared to beckon me, went down on my knees, and opened it as far as its position would permit, but could see nothing.
I got up again, lighted a taper, and peeping as into a pair of reluctant jaws, perceived that the manuscript was verse.
Further I could not carry discovery.
Beginnings of lines were visible on the left-hand page, and ends of lines on the other; but I could not, of course, get at the beginning and end of a single line, and was unable, in what I could read, to make any guess at the sense.
The mere words, however, woke in me feelings which to describe was, from their strangeness, impossible. Some dreams, some poems, some musical phrases, some pictures, wake feelings such as one never had before, new in colour and form--spiritual sensations, as it were, hitherto unproved: here, some of the phrases, some of the senseless half-lines, some even of the individual words affected me in similar fashion--as with the aroma of an idea, rousing in me a great longing to know what the poem or poems might, even yet in their mutilation, hold or suggest. I copied out a few of the larger shreds attainable, and tried hard to complete some of the lines, but without the least success.
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