I hoped that God would be merciful to me, and that I should just save them and die.

And presently Theobald would come home to them and they would be happy.
And so I thought that I would write a letter to Anthony Cardew, so that when I was dead he would understand and be sorry for me.

And I sat down and wrote it.

For I could not bear that he should think me unworthy and shameful, seeing that I loved him with all my heart and soul..