I prayed and was very troubled.

I wept and would not play, and as I got no immediate answer, I left off reading and sometimes praying entirely.
Everybody noticed that I did not much care to read, and especially a religious book.

I felt that my heart had grown harder than before I had wished to become a Christian.

The greatest trial was that I had no faith, and for that reason I used not to believe in prayer, but still I longed to become a real Christian.

I left school in the year 1852, and went to live at home with my mother.