I seemed to myself in some way to be showing my defiance for the hidden powers of life which I had cursed.

I played a match with evil by day and by night until I was glutted.

And then I stole away from the city, leaving behind a hideous reputation and not a single friend.

Then a new mood came to me.

I wanted to get to a place where I should see no human beings at all, and escape in that way from the memories which were still like a clot upon my brain.