CHAPTER XVII.
NELSON COMMANDS THE "SQUADRON ON A PARTICULAR SERVICE," FOR THE DEFENCE OF THE COAST OF ENGLAND AGAINST INVASION .-- SIGNATURE OF PRELIMINARIES OF PEACE WITH FRANCE.
JULY-OCTOBER, 1801.

AGE, 43.
Before sailing for the Baltic, and throughout his service in that sea, the longing for repose and for a lover's paradise had disputed with the love of glory for the empire in Nelson's heart, and signs were not wanting that the latter was making a doubtful, if not a losing, fight.
Shortly before his departure for the North, he wrote to St.Vincent, "Although, I own, I have met with much more honours and rewards than ever my most sanguine ideas led me to expect, yet I am so circumstanced that probably this Expedition will be the last service ever performed by your obliged and affectionate friend." His old commander was naturally perturbed at the thought that the illustrious career, which he had done so much to foster, was to have the ignoble termination to be inferred from these words and the notorious facts.
"Be assured, my dear Lord," he replied, "that every _public_[37] act of your life has been the subject of my admiration, which I should have sooner declared, but that I was appalled by the last sentence of your letter: for God's sake, do not suffer yourself to be carried away by any sudden impulse." During his absence, the uncertain deferment of his desires had worked together with the perverse indolence of Sir Hyde Parker, the fretting sight of opportunities wasted, the constant chafing against the curb, to keep both body and mind in perpetual unrest, to which the severe climate contributed by undermining his health.

This unceasing discomfort had given enhanced charm to his caressing dreams of reposeful happiness, soothed and stimulated by the companionship which he so far had found to fulfil all his power of admiration, and all his demands for sympathy.

Released at last, he landed in England confidently expecting to realize his hopes, only to find that they must again be postponed.

Reputation such as his bears its own penalty.
There was no other man in whose name England could find the calm certainty of safety, which popular apprehension demanded in the new emergency, that had arisen while he was upholding her cause in the northern seas.