That is to say, I have promised to try what it is like for a year, and see if I feel inclined to adopt it as my profession.
"Now, I am in a very curious position.

I do feel inclined, very much inclined indeed, to stick permanently to the work; it interests, amuses, occupies me.

I hate the want of occupation.

I hate making occupations for myself, and this provides me with regular work at stated hours, leaving other stated hours free, and free in the best way; that is to say, it works the vapours off.

My brain feels clear and steady; I can talk, think, write, read better, in those intervals than I ever can when all my time is my own, and yet--I must, I believe, give it up.
"You know I pretend to a kind of familiar; like Socrates, I am forbidden to do certain things by a kind of distant inward voice--not conscience, for it is not limited to moral choice.