I was shown that I was not to believe in my friends.

And then, at Cambridge, it came upon me that this was what was meant--that I was not to devote myself to mean, selfish objects; that I was not even to be solaced by individual love: but that I was to speak to the world the way of inward happiness by the simplification of the complex issues, the human intricacies, which have gathered round and obscured the whole problem.
"Then I gradually gave up, or thought I was giving up, human ambitions.

I took a course which I saw was not to end in human fame, or wealth, or happiness of the ordinary kinds; and that I might test my capacities a little more and learn myself, and also familiarize myself with more aspects of the great question which I was going to face, I travelled among the cities of men and the solitudes of the earth.
"And at last I thought I had found the way; but I will not tell you what it was, for I now see that I was mistaken.

I thought I saw that my duty was to come back and speak the first words to the society in which most naturally I moved; and I came to London, as you know.

And then I began to write; but I failed there.