[The Tithe-Proctor by William Carleton]@TWC D-Link bookThe Tithe-Proctor CHAPTER I 11/12
Why do you call me 'your honor' when you know--for I've often told you--that wouldn't bear it? Am I not one of yourselves? and don't most of you know that I began the world upon half-a-crown, and once carried a hardware basket on my arm ?--d--n it, then, speak like a man to a man, and not like a slave, as I'm half inclined to think you are." "Throth, sir," replied Hourigan, with an indescribable laugh, "an' for all that you say, there's many that gets the title of 'your honor,' that doesn't desarve it _as well_." "Ah well, man! Why, there's many a man gets it that doesn't desarve it _at all_, which is saying more than you said--ha! ha! ha!" Whilst this little dialogue took place, our worthy Buck had abandoned his place under the ikee, and flown to the car to assist the ladies off--a piece of attention not unobserved by Purcel, who obliquely kept his eye upon that worthy's gallantry, and the reception it was getting from the parties to whom it was offered. "Leedies," said the Buck, in his politest manner and language, "will you allow me the gallantry to help you off? Mrs.Purcel, I hope you're well. Here, ma'am, aveel yourself of me." "Thank you, Mr.English; I'm much obliged," she returned, rather coolly. "Leedies," he proceeded, flying to the other side, "allow me the gallantry." The two young women, who were full of spirits and good humor, were laughing most heartily, _sub silentio_, at the attention thus so ceremoniously paid to their mother by a man whom, beyond all human beings, she detested.
Now, however, that he came to proffer his "gallantry" to themselves, they were certainly rather hard pressed to maintain or rather regain their gravity. "Leedies," the Buck continued, "may I have the gallantry to help you off ?" "Oh, thank you, it's too much trouble, Mr.English." "None on airth, Miss Purcel--do let me have the high-flown satisfaction." "Oh, well," she replied, "since you will be so polite," and giving him her hand she was about to go down, when suddenly withdrawing it, as if recollecting herself, she said, nodding with comic significance toward her sister Julia--"My sister, Mr.English, have you no gallantry for her ?" "Ah," he whispered, at the same time gratefully squeezing her hand, "you're a first-rate divinity--a tip-top goddess--divil a thing else. Miss Joolia, may I presoome for to have the plisure and polite gallantry to help you off the car; 'pon honor it'll be quite grateful and prejudicial to my feelings--it will, I assoore you!" "Bless me, whose is that wedding party, Mr.English ?" asked Miss Julia, pointing to the opposite direction of the road. English instantly turned round to observe, when, by a simultaneous act, both sisters stepped nimbly from the car.
Miss Julia, as if offended, but at the same time with a comic gravity of expression, exclaimed-- "Oh, fie! Mr.English, is that your boasted gallantry? I'm afraid your eight years' residence in England, however it may have improved the elegance of your language and accent, hasn't much improved your politeness!" So saying, she and her sister tripped off to the chapel, which they immediately entered.
Much about the same time their brothers arrived, mounted, certainly, upon a pair of magnificent hunters, and having handed them over to two lads to be walked about until the conclusion of Mass, they also entered the chapel, for the priest was not now more than three or four hundred yards; distant. The jest practised so successfully upon our friend the Buck occasioned a general laugh at his expense, a circumstance which filled, him with serious mortification, if not with actual resentment, for it so happened, that one of his great foibles was such a morbid sensibility to ridicule as was absolutely ludicrous. "Bedad, Mr.English, you wor fairly done there; in spite o' the tall English, you're no match for the ladies.
Miss Julia fairly gev' you the bag to hould." The Buck's eye glittered with bitterness. "Miss Julia, do you say ?" he replied; "why, my good friend, the girl was christened Judy--plain Judy; but now that they've got into high-flown life, you persave, nothing will sarve them but to ape their betthers. However, never mind, I'll see the day yet, and that before long, when saucy Judy won't refuse my assistance.
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