I am an old man, and my mind goes haltingly, yet that is what I seem to glean from your rambling screed.

Come when you are through, for I must see you once more.
"For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved.

He that believeth on him is not condemned; but he that believeth not is condemned already because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten son of God." Lastly--doubt in infinite things is often wise, but doubt of God must be blasphemy, else he would not be God, the all-perfect.
I pray it may be your mind is still sick--and recall to you these words of one I will not now name to you: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." ALLAN DELCHER..