I had become captious and unreasonable: my temper was utterly spoilt.

I called him my friend but I viewed all he did with jealous eyes.

If he did not visit me at the appointed hour I was angry, very angry, and told him that if indeed he did feel interest in me it was cold, and could not be fitted for me, a poor worn creature, whose deep unhappiness demanded much more than his worldly heart could give.

When for a moment I imagined that his manner was cold I would fretfully say to him--"I was at peace before you came; why have you disturbed me?
You have given me new wants and now your trifle with me as if my heart were as whole as yours, as if I were not in truth a shorn lamb thrust out on the bleak hill side, tortured by every blast.

I wished for no friend, no sympathy[.] I avoided you, you know I did, but you forced yourself upon me and gave me those wants which you see with triump[h] give you power over me.