Once she had started, she could not turn back.

Come what might, she would hunt until she found him.

She had to, or go crazy, she told herself over and over.

She could not imagine any circumstance that would turn her back from that quest.
Yet she did turn back--and with scarce a thought of Bud.

She could not imagine the thing happening that did happen, which is the way life has of keeping us all on the anxious seat most of the time.