He fought in that daily battle of money-grubbing, with a kind of sad-eyed loyalty like a martyr's; rose early, ate fast, came home dispirited and over-weary, even from success; grudged himself all pleasure, if his nature was capable of taking any, which I sometimes wondered; and laid out, upon some deal in wheat or corner in aluminium, the essence of which was little better than highway robbery, treasures of conscientiousness and self-denial.
Unluckily, I never cared a cent for anything but art, and never shall.
My idea of man's chief end was to enrich the world with things of beauty, and have a fairly good time myself while doing so.

I do not think I mentioned that second part, which is the only one I have managed to carry out; but my father must have suspected the suppression, for he branded the whole affair as self-indulgence.
"Well," I remember crying once, "and what is your life?
You are only trying to get money, and to get it from other people at that." He sighed bitterly (which was very much his habit), and shook his poor head at me.

"Ah, Loudon, Loudon!" said he, "you boys think yourselves very smart.

But, struggle as you please, a man has to work in this world.

He must be an honest man or a thief, Loudon." You can see for yourself how vain it was to argue with my father.
The despair that seized upon me after such an interview was, besides, embittered by remorse; for I was at times petulant, but he invariably gentle; and I was fighting, after all, for my own liberty and pleasure, he singly for what he thought to be my good.