In almost all, to my distorted view, there now seems to have been an unseemly levity.

Things I have said to him; easy, familiar jokes that I have had with him; not that _he_ ever had much sense of a jest--( even at this moment I think this incidentally)--course through my mind.
Our many _tete-a-tetes_ to which, at the time, I attached less than no importance: through many of which I unfeignedly, irresistibly _gaped_; our meetings in the park--accidental, as I thought--our dawdling saunters through the meadows, as often as not at twilight; all, _all_ recur to me, and, recurring, make my face burn with a hot and stabbing shame.
And _Roger_! This is the way in which I have kept things straight for him! This is the way in which I have rewarded his boundless trust! he, whose only fear was lest I should be dull! lest I should not amuse myself! Well, I have amused myself to some purpose now.

I have made myself _common talk for the neighborhood_! _He_ said so.

I have brought discredit on Roger's honored name! Not even the consciousness of the utter cleanness of my heart is of the least avail to console me.

What matter how clean the heart is, if the conduct be light?
None but God can see the former; the latter lies open to every carelessly spiteful, surface-judging eye.