I mean not that dire remembrance shall subdue my courage or baffle my design, but this weakness cannot be immediately conquered.

I must desist for a little while.
I have taken a few turns in my chamber, and have gathered strength enough to proceed.

Yet have I not projected a task beyond my power to execute?
If thus, on the very threshold of the scene, my knees faulter and I sink, how shall I support myself, when I rush into the midst of horrors such as no heart has hitherto conceived, nor tongue related?
I sicken and recoil at the prospect, and yet my irresolution is momentary.
I have not formed this design upon slight grounds, and though I may at times pause and hesitate, I will not be finally diverted from it.
And thou, O most fatal and potent of mankind, in what terms shall I describe thee?
What words are adequate to the just delineation of thy character?
How shall I detail the means which rendered the secrecy of thy purposes unfathomable?
But I will not anticipate.

Let me recover if possible, a sober strain.

Let me keep down the flood of passion that would render me precipitate or powerless.