A fever lurked in my veins, and my strength was gone.

Any exertion, however slight, was attended with difficulty, and, at length, I refused to rise from my bed.
I now see the infatuation and injustice of my conduct in its true colours.

I reflect upon the sensations and reasonings of that period with wonder and humiliation.

That I should be insensible to the claims and tears of my friends; that I should overlook the suggestions of duty, and fly from that post in which only I could be instrumental to the benefit of others; that the exercise of the social and beneficent affections, the contemplation of nature and the acquisition of wisdom should not be seen to be means of happiness still within my reach, is, at this time, scarcely credible.
It is true that I am now changed; but I have not the consolation to reflect that my change was owing to my fortitude or to my capacity for instruction.

Better thoughts grew up in my mind imperceptibly.