I avoided those women who, by attaching themselves to me, or presenting me with a child, could bind my future.

Moreover, perhaps there may have been children or attachments; but I so arranged matters that I could not become aware of them.
"And living thus, I considered myself a perfectly honest man.

I did not understand that debauchery does not consist simply in physical acts, that no matter what physical ignominy does not yet constitute debauchery, and that real debauchery consists in freedom from the moral bonds toward a woman with whom one enters into carnal relations, and I regarded THIS FREEDOM as a merit.

I remember that I once tortured myself exceedingly for having forgotten to pay a woman who probably had given herself to me through love.

I only became tranquil again when, having sent her the money, I had thus shown her that I did not consider myself as in any way bound to her.