'Yes, it has happened.

Yes, it has happened.

Yes, now I must execute myself,' said I to myself.
"I said it, but I knew well that I should not kill myself.

Nevertheless, I rose and took the revolver, but, strange thing, I remembered that formerly I had very often had suicidal ideas, that that very night, on the cars, it had seemed to me easy, especially easy because I thought how it would stupefy her.

Now I not only could not kill myself, but I could not even think of it.
"'Why do it ?' I asked myself, without answering.
"Another knock at the door.
"'Yes, but I must first know who is knocking.