I'd been awake.

I'd been living among men that sort of liked me and respected me and didn't laugh at me.

And then you come, and I saw your dirty face, and it made me think of a bad nightmare I'd had when you and your brother and your dad treated me worse'n a dog.

Well, Harry, I'm through with that dream.
I'll never go back to it.

I'm going to stay awake the rest of my life.
It was your dad that put the wish to kill Reeve into my head with his talk.