I kept it down--sometimes I forgot it--but sometimes it would surge up and take possession of me.

I hated you because I ENVIED you--oh, I was sick with envy of you at times.
You had a dear little home--and love--and happiness--and glad dreams--everything I wanted--and never had--and never could have.

Oh, never could have! THAT was what stung.

I wouldn't have envied you, if I had had any HOPE that life would ever be different for me.

But I hadn't--I hadn't--and it didn't seem FAIR.