It was a slight infraction of the articles of war; a little breach of the rules and regulations of the service; a trifling misconception of the mess code,--they caught me one evening leaving the mess with--What do you think in my pocket?
But you'll never tell! No, no, I know you'll not; eight forks and a gravy-spoon,--silver forks every one of them.

There now,' said I, grasping his hand, 'you have my secret; my fame and character are in your hands, for you see they made me quit the regiment,--a man can't stay in a corps where he is laughed at.' "Covering my face with my handkerchief, as if to conceal my shame, I turned away, and left Sparks to his meditations.

That same evening we happened to have some strangers at mess; the bottle was passing freely round, and as usual the good spirits of the party at the top of their bent, when suddenly from the lower end of the table, a voice was heard demanding, in tones of the most pompous importance, permission to address the president upon a topic where the honor of the whole regiment was concerned.
"'I rise, gentlemen,' said Mr.Sparks, 'with feelings the most painful; whatever may have been the laxity of habit and freedom of conversation habitual in this regiment, I never believed that so flagrant an instance as this morning came to my ears--' "'Oh, murder!' said I.'Oh, Sparks, darling, sure you're not going to tell ?' "'Doctor Quill,' replied he, in an austere tone, 'it is impossible for me to conceal it.' "'Oh, Sparks, dear, will you betray me ?' "I gave him here a look of the most imploring entreaty, to which he replied by one of unflinching sternness.
"'I have made up my mind, sir,' continued he; 'it is possible the officers of this corps may look more leniently than I do upon this transaction; but know it they shall.' "'Out with it, Sparks; tell it by all means!' cried a number of voices; for it was clear to every one, by this time, that he was involved in a hoax.
"Amidst, therefore, a confused volley of entreaty on one side, and my reiterated prayers for his silence, on the other, Sparks thus began:-- "'Are you aware, gentlemen, why Dr.Quill left the Fifty-sixth ?' "'No, no, no!' rang from all sides; 'let's have it!' "'No, sir,' said he, turning towards me, 'concealment is impossible; an officer detected with the mess-plate in his pocket--' "They never let him finish, for a roar of laughter shook the table from one end to the other; while Sparks, horror-struck at the lack of feeling and propriety that could make men treat such a matter with ridicule, glared around him on every side.
"'Oh, Maurice, Maurice!' cried the major, wiping his eyes, 'this is too bad; this is too bad!' "'Gracious Heaven!' screamed Sparks, 'can you laugh at it ?' "'Laugh at it!' re-echoed the paymaster, 'God grant I only don't burst a blood-vessel!' And once more the sounds of merriment rang out anew, and lasted for several minutes.
"'Oh, Maurice Quill,' cried an old captain, 'you've been too heavy on the lad.

Why, Sparks, man, he's been humbugging you.' "Scarcely were the words spoken when he sprang from the room.

The whole truth flashed at once upon his mind; in an instant he saw that he had exposed himself to the merciless ridicule of a mess-table and that all peace for him, in that regiment at least, was over.
"We got a glorious fellow in exchange for him; and Sparks descended into a cavalry regiment,--I ask your pardon, Charley,--where, as you are well aware, sharp wit and quick intellect are by no means indispensable.