It's regular banditti.' "So I jist hops out of bed, and feels for my trunk, and outs with my talkin' irons, that was all ready loaded, pokes my way to the winder--shoves the sash up and outs with the shutter, ready to let slip among 'em.

And what do you think it was ?--Hundreds and hundreds of them nasty, dirty, filthy, ugly, black devils of rooks, located in the trees at the back eend of the house.

Old Nick couldn't have slept near 'em; caw caw, caw, all mixt up together in one jumble of a sound, like "jawe." "You black, evil-lookin', foul-mouthed villains,' sais I, 'I'd like no better sport than jist to sit here, all this blessed day with these pistols, and drop you one arter another, _I_ know.' But they was pets, was them rooks, and of course like all pets, everlastin' nuisances to every body else.
"Well, when a man's in a feeze, there's no more sleep that hitch; so I dresses and sits up; but what was I to do?
It was jist half past four, and as it was a rainin' like every thing, I know'd breakfast wouldn't be ready till eleven o'clock, for nobody wouldn't get up if they could help it--they wouldn't be such fools; so there was jail for six hours and a half.
"Well, I walked up and down the room, as easy as I could, not to waken folks; but three steps and a round turn makes you kinder dizzy, so I sits down again to chaw the cud of vexation.
"'Ain't this a handsum fix ?' sais I, 'but it sarves you right, what busniss had you here at all?
you always was a fool, and always will be to the eend of the chapter.--'What in natur are you a scoldin' for ?' sais I: 'that won't mend the matter; how's time?
They must soon be a stirrin' now, I guess.' Well, as I am a livin' sinner, it was only five o'clock; 'oh dear,' sais I, 'time is like women and pigs the more you want it to go, the more it won't.

What on airth shall I do ?--guess, I'll strap my rasor.' "Well, I strapped and strapped away, until it would cut a single hair pulled strait up on eend out o' your head, without bendin' it--take it off slick.

'Now,' sais I, 'I'll mend my trowsers I tore, a goin' to see the ruin on the road yesterday; so I takes out Sister Sall's little needle-case, and sows away till I got them to look considerable jam agin; 'and then,' sais I, 'here's a gallus button off, I'll jist fix that,' and when that was done, there was a hole to my yarn sock, so I turned too and darned that.
"'Now,' sais I, 'how goes it?
I'm considerable sharp set.