CHAPTER XXII.
CRINOLINE AND MACASSAR; OR, MY AUNT'S WILL 'Well, Linda was right,' said Mrs.Woodward, 'it does begin with poetry.' 'It's only a song,' said Charley, apologetically--'and after all there is only one verse of that'-- and then Mrs.Woodward began "CRINOLINE AND MACASSAR." 'Ladies and gentlemen, that is the name of Mr.Charles Tudor's new novel.' 'Crinoline and Macassar!' said Uncle Bat.

'Are they intended for human beings' names ?' 'They are the heroine and the hero, as I take it,' said Mrs.
Woodward, 'and I presume them to be human, unless they turn out to be celestial.' 'I never heard such names in my life,' said the captain.
'At any rate, uncle, they are as good as Sir Jib Boom and Captain Hardaport,' said Katie, pertly.
'We won't mind about that,' said Mrs.Woodward; 'I'm going to begin, and I beg I may not be interrupted.' "CRINOLINE AND MACASSAR." "The lovely Crinoline was sitting alone at a lattice window on a summer morning, and as she sat she sang with melancholy cadence the first part of the now celebrated song which had then lately appeared, from the distinguished pen of Sir G-- H--," 'Who is Sir G-- H--, Charley ?' 'Oh, it wouldn't do for me to tell that,' said Charley.

'That must be left to the tact and intelligence of my readers.' 'Oh, very well,' said Mrs.Woodward, 'we will abstain from all impertinent questions'-- 'from the distinguished pen of Sir G-- H--.
The ditty which she sang ran as follows:-- My heart's at my office, my heart is always there-- My heart's at my office, docketing with care; Docketing the papers, and copying all day, My heart's at my office, though I be far away.
"'Ah me!' said the Lady Crinoline--" 'What--is she a peer's daughter ?' said Uncle Bat.
'Not exactly,' said Charley, 'it's only a sort of semi-poetic way one has of speaking of one's heroine.' "'Ah me!' said the Lady Crinoline--'his heart! his heart!--I wonder whether he has got a heart;' and then she sang again in low plaintive voice the first line of the song, suiting the cadence to her own case:-- His heart is at his office, his heart is _always_ there.
"'It was evident that the Lady Crinoline did not repeat the words in the feeling of their great author, who when he wrote them had intended to excite to high deeds of exalted merit that portion of the British youth which is employed in the Civil Service of the country.
"Crinoline laid down her lute--it was in fact an accordion--and gazing listlessly over the rails of the balcony, looked out at the green foliage which adorned the enclosure of the square below.
"It was Tavistock Square.

The winds of March and the showers of April had been successful in producing the buds of May." 'Ah, Charley, that's taken from the old song,' said Katie, 'only you've put buds instead of flowers.' 'That's quite allowable,' said Mrs.Woodward--"successful in producing the buds of May.

The sparrows chirped sweetly on the house-top, and the coming summer gladdened the hearts of all--of all except poor Crinoline.
"'I wonder whether he has a heart, said she; 'and if he has, I wonder whether it is at his office.' "As she thus soliloquized, the door was opened by a youthful page, on whose well-formed breast, buttons seemed to grow like mushrooms in the meadows in August.
"'Mr.Macassar Jones,' said the page; and having so said, he discreetly disappeared.