It is an awful curse that I am not as other men, and that I tremble and shake like a girl at the sound of firearms.

It would have been better if I had been killed by the first shot fired in the Punjaub eight years ago, or if I had blown my brains out at the end of the day.
Good Heavens! what have I suffered since.

But I will not think of it.
Thank God, I have got my work; and as long as I keep my thoughts on that there is no room for that other;" and then, by a great effort of will, Ralph Bathurst put the past behind him, and concentrated his thoughts on the work on which he had been that day engaged.
The juggler did not arrive on the following evening as he had expected, but late in the afternoon a native boy brought in a message from him, saying that his daughter was too shaken and ill to travel, but that they would come when she recovered.
A week later, on returning from a long day's work, Bathurst was told that a juggler was in the veranda waiting to see him.
"I told him, sahib," the servant said, "that you cared not for such entertainments, and that he had better go elsewhere; but he insisted that you yourself had told him to come, and so I let him wait." "Has he a girl with him, Jafur ?" "Yes, sahib." Bathurst strolled round to the other side of the bungalow, where Rujub was sitting patiently, with Rabda wrapped in her blue cloth beside him.
They rose to their feet.
"I am glad to see your daughter is better again, Rujub." "She is better, sahib; she has had fever, but is restored." "I cannot see your juggling tonight, Rujub.

I have had a heavy day's work, and am worn out, and have still much to do.

You had better go round to some of the other bungalows; though I don't think you will do much this evening, for there is a dinner party at the Collector's, and almost everyone will be there.