And, not understanding what was the matter, they laughed.

But Matthew, who was learned in the Scriptures, touched Judas on the shoulder, and said in the words of Solomon-- "'He that looketh kindly shall be forgiven; but he that is met within the gates will impede others.'" Judas was silent for a while, and then fretfully and everything about him, his eyes, hands and feet, seemed to start in different directions, as those of an animal which suddenly perceives the eye of man upon him.
Jesus went straight to Judas, as though words trembled on His lips, but passed by him through the open, and now unoccupied, door.
In the middle of the night the restless Thomas came to Judas' bed, and sitting down on his heels, asked-- "Are you weeping, Judas ?" "No! Go away, Thomas." "Why do you groan, and grind your teeth?
Are you ill ?" Judas was silent for a while, and then fretfully there fell from his lips distressful words, fraught with grief and anger-- "Why does not He love me?
Why does He love the others?
Am I not handsomer, better and stronger than they?
Did not I save His life while they ran away like cowardly dogs ?" "My poor friend, you are not quite right.

You are not good-looking at all, and your tongue is as disagreeable as your face.

You lie and slander continually; how then can you expect Jesus to love you ?" But Judas, stirring heavily in the darkness, continued as though he heard him not-- "Why is He not on the side of Judas, instead of on the side of those who do not love Him?
John brought Him a lizard; I would bring him a poisonous snake.

Peter threw stones; I would overthrow a mountain for His sake.