You wouldn't understand, at least not now.

If the day ever comes when I think you will, I'll tell you.

Just now I can express it by that one word.

I didn't dare fail or I felt I would be lost as my father was before me.
So I remained away from the city and its temptations and men of my age, and worked in the woods until I was tired enough to drop, read books that helped, tinkered with the carving, and sometimes I had an idea, and I went into that little building behind the dry-house, took out my different herbs, and tried my hand at compounding a new cure for some of the pains of humanity.

It isn't bad work, Ruth.