I felt myself struck upon the back of the neck, and fell forward into the room, covered by a perfect avalanche of fenders, fire-irons, frying-pans, and copper kettles, mingled with the lesser artillery of small nails, door keys, and holdfasts.

There I lay amid the most vociferous mirth I ever listened to, under the confounded torrent of ironmongery that half-stunned me.

The laughter over, I was assisted to rise, and having drank about a pint of vinegar, and had my face and temples washed in strong whiskey punch--the allocation of the fluids being mistaken, I learned that our host, the high sheriff, was a celebrated tin and iron man, and that his salles de reception were no other than his magazine of metals, and that to conceal the well filled shelves from the gaze of his aristocratic guests, they were clothed in the manner related; which my unhappy head, by some misfortune, displaced, and thus brought on a calamity scarcely less afflicting to him than to myself.

I should scarcely have stopped to mention this here, were it not that Mary Anne's gentle nursing of me in my misery went far to complete what her fascination had begun; and although she could not help laughing at the occurrence, I forgave her readily for her kindness.
"Remember," said I, trying to ogle through a black eye, painted by the angle of a register grate--"remember, Mary Anne, I am to see you home." "Oh! dear, sir, sure I don't know how you can manage it--" Here Mark Anthony's entrance cut short this speech, for he came to declare that some of the officers had taken his coach, and was, as might be supposed, in a towering passion.
"If, sir," said I, with an air of the most balmy courtesy--"If I can be of any use in assisting you to see your friends home--" "Ah! then, ye'r a nice looking article to see ladies home.

I wish you seen yourself this minute," said he.
As I felt it would be no breach of the unities--time, place, and every thing considered--to smash his skull, I should certainly have proceeded to do so, had not a look of the most imploring kind from Mary Anne restrained me.