"Did ye never hear tell of Barney Doyle ?" said he.
"Not to my recollection." "Then I'm Barney," said he; "that's in all the newspapers in the metropolis; I'm seventeen weeks in Jervis-street hospital, and four in the Lunatic, and the devil a better after all; you must be a stranger, I'm thinking, or you'd know me now." "Why I do confess, I've only been a few hours in Ireland for the last six months." "Ay, that's the reason; I knew you would not be fond of travelling with me, if you knew who it was." "Why, really," said I, beginning at the moment to fathom some of the hints of my companion, "I did not anticipate the pleasure of meeting you." "It's pleasure ye call it; then there's no accountin' for tastes, as Dr.Colles said, when he saw me bite Cusack Rooney's thumb off." "Bite a man's thumb off!" said I, in a horror.
"Ay," said he with a kind of fiendish animation, "in one chop; I wish you'd see how I scattered the consultation; begad they didn't wait to ax for a fee." Upon my soul, a very pleasant vicinity, though I.

"And, may I ask sir," said I, in a very mild and soothing tone of voice, "may I ask the reason for this singular propensity of yours ?" "There it is now, my dear," said he, laying his hand upon my knee familiarly, "that's just the very thing they can't make out; Colles says, it's all the ceribellum, ye see, that's inflamed and combusted, and some of the others think it's the spine; and more, the muscles; but my real impression is, the devil a bit they know about it at all." "And have they no name for the malady ?" said I.
"Oh sure enough they have a name for it." "And, may I ask--" "Why, I think you'd better not, because ye see, maybe I might be throublesome to ye in the night, though I'll not, if I can help it; and it might be uncomfortable to you to be here if I was to get one of the fits." "One of the fits! Why it's not possible, sir," said I, "you would travel in a public conveyance in the state you mention; your friends surely would not permit it ?" "Why, if they knew, perhaps," slily responded the interesting invalid, "if they knew they might not exactly like it, but ye see, I escaped only last night, and there'll be a fine hub-bub in the morning, when they find I'm off; though I'm thinking Rooney's barking away by this time." "Rooney barking, why, what does that mean ?" "They always bark for a day or two after they're bit, if the infection comes first from the dog." "You are surely not speaking of hydrophobia," said I, my hair actually bristling with horror and consternation.
"Ayn't I ?" replied he; "may be you've guessed it though." "And have you the malady on you at present ?" said I, trembling for the answer.
"This is the ninth day since I took to biting," said he gravely, perfectly unconscious as it appeared of the terror such information was calculated to convey.
"Any with such a propensity, sir, do you think yourself warranted in travelling in a public coach, exposing others--" "You'd better not raise your voice, that way," quietly responded he, "if I'm roused, it 'll be worse for ye, that's all." "Well but," said I, moderating my zeal, "is it exactly prudent, in your present delicate state, to undertake a journey ?" "Ah," said he, with a sigh, "I've been longing to see the fox hounds throw off, near Kilkenny; these three weeks I've been thinking of nothing else; but I'm not sure how my nerves will stand the cry; I might be throublesome." "Upon my soul," thought I, "I shall not select that morning for my debut in the field." "I hope, sir, there's no river, or watercourse on this road--any thing else, I can, I hope, control myself against; but water--running water particularly--makes me throublesome." Well knowing what he meant by the latter phrase, I felt the cold perspiration settling on my forehead, as I remembered that we must be within about ten or twelve miles of Leighlin-bridge, where we should have to pass a very wide river.

I strictly concealed this fact from him, however, and gave him to understand that there was not a well, brook, or rivulet, for forty miles on either side of us.

He now sunk into a kind of moody silence, broken occasionally by a low muttering noise, as if speaking to himself--what this might portend, I knew not--but thought it better, under all circumstances, not to disturb him.

How comfortable my present condition was, I need scarcely remark--sitting vis a vis to a lunatic, with a pair of pistols in his possession--who had already avowed his consciousness of his tendency to do mischief, and his inability to master it; all this in the dark, and in the narrow limits of a mail-coach, where there was scarcely room for defence, and no possibility of escape--how heartily I wished myself back in the Coffee-room at Morrisson's, with my poor friend Tom--the infernal chaise, that I cursed a hundred times, would have been an "exchange," better than into the Life Guards--ay, even the outside of the coach, if I could only reach it, would, under present circumstances, be a glorious alternative to my existing misfortune.