I began to meet her, to talk to her, and sometimes to go to work for her father and to spend whole evenings with them, and in this intimate intercourse she remained still in my eyes just as pure, inaccessible, and majestic.
She always responded with equal calm, pride, and cheerful equanimity.
Sometimes she was friendly, but generally her every look, every word, and every movement expressed equanimity--not contemptuous, but crushing and bewitching.

Every day with a feigned smile on my lips I tried to play a part, and with torments of passion and desire in my heart I spoke banteringly to her.

She saw that I was dissembling, but looked straight at me cheerfully and simply.

This position became unbearable.
I wished not to deceive her but to tell her all I thought and felt.

I was extremely agitated.