Beauty came and scattered to the winds all that laborious inward toil, and no regret remains for what has vanished! Self-renunciation is all nonsense and absurdity! That is pride, a refuge from well-merited unhappiness, and salvation from the envy of others' happiness: "Live for others, and do good!"-- Why?
when in my soul there is only love for myself and the desire to love her and to live her life with her?
Not for others, not for Lukashka, I now desire happiness.

I do not now love those others.

Formerly I should have told myself that this is wrong.

I should have tormented myself with the questions: What will become of her, of me, and of Lukashka?
Now I don't care.

I do not live my own life, there is something stronger than me which directs me.