But, somehow or other, I had not the courage to give these words utterance.

The visitor might be a person to whom such an excuse for not appearing would seem unkind, or be an offence.

In this uncertain state, my mind fell into confusion.

Mary was before me, and awaiting the direction she saw that I was about giving.
"Say that I'm not at home, if any one asks to see me," came in a sudden impulse from my lips.
And then my cheeks flushed to think that I had instructed my servant to give utterance to a falsehood.
"Yes, mim," answered the girl, glancing into my face with a knowing leer, that produced an instant sense of humiliation; and away she went to do my bidding.
I did not glance towards Agnes, as I returned to my seat and took up my work.

I had not the courage to do this.